jamie ann

selfish

March 24th, 2008 at 8:40 am . Posted in family, rants .

I don’t think I have ever met a more selfish person in my entire life. No, really. I think my mother takes the cake.

First, you come out of nowhere and tell my dad you want a divorce, days after Christmas. You acted like everything is fine and perfectly normal, didn’t say anything about it to anyone else and got mad at my dad for telling us. I guess, you must have been trying to keep this divorce a big secret. Maybe wait until the house is up for sale to tell your kids?

You have had this all planned out in your head and the rest of you family is nowhere in that plan.Â You leak out little bits of information here and there about your big plan, but fail to include the person who should be included in this, my dad. You say you stayed for us for years, but shouldn’t staying together for the kids be a mutual thing? Obviously, my dad had no clue about this. You two were talking about retirement together not too long ago.

We have a house with no mortgage, but you are making us sell it. You need to get YOUR money. Even though none of the kids want to stay with you and could have a perfectly good house to live in. Why can’t you just move out? Nope, gotta get that cash.

You weave this web of lies. You change you story according to how others react. “Jamie’s dad..get out”. I ask, “where is my dad going to go?!” You say you never asked him to leave and would never do that. That’s only one of the many things you’ve said, then changed your story because people didn’t react well.

In January, you told me you were going to move out and get an apartment. I’m pretty sure it is almost April and unfortunately, you are still here. My dad is living in the basement. I really doubt that will change until you get your money. Luckily, the housing market is awesome, so we should sell the house quick. Hah.

My brother is the only one talking to you and even he thinks you’re insane. I haven’t spoken to you since you dropped this news. Every new thing you say or do, makes me want to talk to you even less. You would think it would bother you that one of your children doesn’t speak to you, but nope. It’s all about you. What children?

Of course, you are awesome with the timing. Last time, it was Christmas. This time? My birthday. No celebrating Jamie’s birthday because now everyone’s too broke. Damn those lawyer fees.

Oh, here’s a new piece of information you leaked out, but told my brother not to tell anyone — two weeks ago you had some secret surgery to remove a mass from your leg. Who has surgery and doesn’t tell their family? SERIOUSLY.

You’re the most selfish person I have ever known. You’re pushing your children farther and father away and don’t even care. I hope you’re fucking happy, because you have made everyone else miserable.

I hope writing this will help me let some of my anger go. Right now, I’d be perfectly content if I never spoke to you again, but no child should say that about their mother. Maybe one day when you realize how you have been this whole time, we can work on building a relationship again, but for now, I really want nothing to do with you.

54 Comments ( Reply )

bunny
Mar 24, 2008 @ 9:08 am

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Since my parents’ divorce, I have had a tumultuous relationship with my mother, but writing and taking things one day at a time have been extremely helpful to me. Trust me, you don’t want to ruin any relationship with her, just try to keep things relatively cordial even if you don’t want to. You’ll be happier in the long run.

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maria
Mar 24, 2008 @ 9:26 am

I’m so sorry your mom has been so deceitful and selfish. I can’t imagine having to go through that and see a side of your mom that no child should have to see. Keep your head and spirits high. (((hugs)))

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Jenn
Mar 24, 2008 @ 9:44 am

Bleh. J-Lov I’m sorry you have to go through this. I know that no amount of “I’m sorries” will fix anything. But at least you know that you have people supporting you and sending you positive vibes. I think it’s good that you write about it. As we’ve both said, writing can be very therapeutic. Keep writing. Keep kicking ass and being the awesome chick you are.

Don’t let her ruin your birthday for you. Just because you won’t be celebrating with her doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate. We can have the waiter/waitress sing happy birthday to you at Minnie’s on Saturday

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jessica maria
Mar 24, 2008 @ 9:45 am

Sorry to hear about your troubles; I hope your birthday isn’t too ruined, though I know it must be hard. Lots of love!!

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somechick84
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:08 am

Me too, I’m very sorry you have to go through this. I agree with Bunny. I have had a very rocky relationship with my dad for the past couple years. Everyone around me would understand if I never spoke to him again, but he’s my dad. You only get one. And although sometimes I have to separate myself from him for months at a time, I always come back. I always stay positive and act like nothings happened. And right now things with us are good. It’s unfortunate when we have to be the bigger person and the adult in a relationship with our parents, but sometimes that’s the way it is when you want to keep things good with family.

Another thing, and I KNOW that I’m not in your shoes or situation. One thing about my parents divorce was my mom cheated on my dad. I saw him cry and move out to my grandparents until she left. I hated her. How could she do that to him and us? How could she be so selfish? I wanted nothing to do with her. Now that I’m older, and my mom and other family have opened up, I realize she was in an abusive relationship. My dad was emotionally and probably physically abusive to her. After being in a 6 year relationship and walking away, I realized, nothing is ever as good as it seems to the people outside. No one but your dad and mom know what’s really going on.

And everyone comes from a different place. Your mom may act this way because of something traumatic she experienced as a child. She may not know any better.

Anyways, I’m done, no need to listen to anything I said, just sharing I hope you manage to enjoy your birthday!

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tiff
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:09 am

aww… I’m already emotional today, but this made me stream tears at my desk. Hugs Jamie!

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Lisa H.
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:20 am

Sweetie, I’m sorry. That’s got to suck. E-hugs!

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Benjamin
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:28 am

I feel like an e-hug (I thought I was being clever but then realized that Lisa H. beat me to it) is in order. I hope the writing therapy helped you clear your head so you can get to the enjoyable birthday part of life. If not, I will force Calvin to be adorable in pictures and videos purely for your enjoyment. Or, you know, I can beat someone up. As long as they’re quite small and feeble.

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ashley
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:34 am

I’m sorry that you’re having such a hard time. I hope that things get better. Surely she’ll realize what she’s doing to all of you soon before it’s too late.

I’ll be thinking about you.

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Gooseberried
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:35 am

Jamie, I’m so sorry. Let me know if there’s anything I can do. If we lived near each other, I’d buy you a cup of coffee or something.

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heidi
Mar 24, 2008 @ 10:44 am

If you ever need to chat…i’ve been through this all before. *tons of hugs* I’m so sorry you have to go through this <3

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verybadcat
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:07 am

Oh, Jamie. I’m sorry about your Mom. She sucks. Maybe she just sucks right now, and maybe there is something she can say or do later to help you understand and bridge the gap, and maybe she just sucks. I don’t know which. I just know that my heart aches for you.

Happy Birthday, too, whatever exact date that is!!

~hug~

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Ashley
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:08 am

I think a lot of times parents don’t realize how much they are hurting their kids. maybe they just don’t care. I don’t know. When my dad decided he wanted a divorce it tore my family apart. I was the only person who spoke to him for years. I’m sorry you’re stuck in such a hard situation. I know it really sucks.

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Michelle & the City
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:10 am

i’m so sorry. the only thing i can think to say to make you feel any better at all, is that divorce can sometimes fuel the fire. maybe once things have been resolved, your relationship with your mother will change. it took a few years, but i have a good relationship with my mom again and she acted almost as selfishly as your mom as far as dividing assets. basically being selfish. i know how you’re feeling and i hope it gets better.

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Arielle
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:11 am

I’m so sorry to hear all this, that’s truly awful. Hopefully things start to look up for you soon! Stay strong.

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Ashley
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:13 am

I think sometimes parents don’t realize how much they are hurting everyone else in the family. Or maybe they don’t care. I know when my dad decided he wanted a divorce it tore my family apart. I was the only one who spoke to him for years. I’m sorry your stuck in a tough situation. I know how much it sucks.

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seven
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:42 am

I’m so sorry.

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Nilsa S.
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:48 am

That’s some heavy stuff, Jamie. I hope you are doing what you need to do to get through this time. Whether it’s confront your mother or seek therapy (through blogging or otherwise). No child should be expected to navigate these waters alone.

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leanne
Mar 24, 2008 @ 12:20 pm

Oh Jamie I’m really sorry to hear this. I’ve never experience this before, so I don’t really know what to say, IF there is something to say that could comfort you. I wish I did know what to say though, I really do

Judging by your post, YES your mom IS self-fish and I’m really pitying your dad, brother and yourself. It’s like your mom has no consideration for anyone’s feelings but her own. It’s a shame really.

Personally, if I were in your situation. I would do the exact same thing you’re doing now. Not speak to the person. I don’t know, some may call it childish.. But i’m sorry, if someone hurts me & others THAT much, and don’t really feel regret, well then i’m better off without them. And judging from your post, I think your dad, brother as well as yourself will be much better off without her. She’ll realize it one day. They always do!

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Michelle
Mar 24, 2008 @ 12:24 pm

Sucks when you have to deal with a parent who acts like a child. Hope your family heals from this.

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Erin
Mar 24, 2008 @ 12:28 pm

Booo! I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Divorce is never easy, bu t deceit and lies only make things worse. I dealt with a lot of deceit throughout my parents divorce, so I can definitely sympathize. I hope things will start looking up soon!

Give your adorable pup a cuddle!

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Jess
Mar 24, 2008 @ 12:48 pm

Ugh, what a mess. I have had to deal with something very similar and it is so frustrating and emotionally draining and makes you feel so impotent. I hope that this is a temporary thing for her and that it will get better once she regains her equilibrium. In the meantime, good luck and happy birthday.

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katelin
Mar 24, 2008 @ 1:03 pm

Aw Jamie I’m so sorry to hear about this even more. I hope that at least writing this down is letting you vent some and get it out. I hope things start to turn around soon, I really do.

But Happy Birthday! and lots of hugs from California

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Larissa
Mar 24, 2008 @ 1:03 pm

Jaime, that is awful. I’d be extremely angry too.

Here’s to having a grand birthday, despite nasty situations!

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Laurel
Mar 24, 2008 @ 1:10 pm

I am so sorry, honey. This situation just sucks.

Sending you lots and lots of big hugs.

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Rachel
Mar 24, 2008 @ 1:15 pm

I’m so sorry to hear about that…I can’t imagine how you are feeling or what you are going through. Thinking of you, and I hope you have a great birthday.

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e.p.
Mar 24, 2008 @ 2:31 pm

Oh, Jamie. I am so sorry you’re having to deal with this. Divorce is no fun. My parents separated during my senior year of high school (6 years ago-ish). My dad just kind of checked out, and, like your mom, has horrible timing.

I hope things get better — I promise they do with time — and that you have a lovely birthday! *hugs*

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Caitlyn
Mar 24, 2008 @ 3:41 pm

This situation completely blows. I can’t believe that she would just do this without giving any reason. Has she been unhappy for awhile? I guess the only thing to do is make sure that you can be there for your dad- he’s probably a mess right now and probably needs you. I hope it works out for you, but until then, you’ve got us.

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Kayleigh
Mar 24, 2008 @ 3:53 pm

Hey Jamie-

So sorry about this whole awful situation. Just know that it’s ok to feel what you feel. The situation is really unpleasant, and it’s just so hard to see what is indeed going on. It all seems unfair, and so many people are getting involved and their lives disrupted. Staying strong is tough. Have a wonderful birthday despite the chaos. Get some air outside, take a deep breath, enjoy the world with pupperoo. We’re thinking of you!!

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Tipp
Mar 24, 2008 @ 4:24 pm

You have every right to be so angry. Hugs.

Toxic relationships are so hard when they are your family. Finding boundaries seems impossible. I am sending good thoughts!

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Kiera
Mar 24, 2008 @ 4:32 pm

Geez, that’s rough. And you’re right, very selfish.

I would be devastated if put through that situation.

Keep your head up, and stay strong. Hopefully she’ll finally come to her senses.

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chickbug
Mar 24, 2008 @ 4:33 pm

hugs! you deserve more then what your mom is giving you right now. it’s scary to realize sometimes our parents are flawed and make horrible life decisions and make us feel so torn with love and anger. hopefully she’ll “wake up” soon and realize the damage she has done. hang in there. what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.

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Dan Mega
Mar 24, 2008 @ 5:11 pm

I didn’t speak to my father starting when I was about 19 or so. He was already an abusive drunk, but then he decided to steal my identity and effectively fuck my credit. He off’d himself last year. I felt no remorse or sadness. I love my mother and my stepdad has been my best friend throughout the years (even though he is a computer supergeek, ha).

I hope life straightens itself out for you Jamie. Sometimes families can suck.

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Sandy
Mar 24, 2008 @ 5:49 pm

Aw Jamie! That’s a really tough situation to be going through. I’m with Tipp- sending you good thoughts! Life will straighten itself out eventually.

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Susie
Mar 24, 2008 @ 6:50 pm

I’m so sorry…that seriously sucks. You are an amazing person and deserve SO much better than how your mom is treating you (and your whole family). I hope she wakes up and realizes what she’s missing out on and what she’s doing to you. I’m thinking about you…keep smiling if you can; you’ve got lots of friends here!

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alexa
Mar 24, 2008 @ 7:18 pm

i am so sorry you are going through this right now. but be thankful that you have lots of support from all of your loyal readers! and a great outlet to vent your heart out.

there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. what’s tough is that that light just may seem oh so distant right now.

keep your head up : )

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Lara
Mar 24, 2008 @ 7:40 pm

oh man, that’s terrible. you’re right that no one should have to say such things about their mother, but only because they shouldn’t be treated that way by their mother. i’m glad you wrote and tried to get it out, and i hope that it helped at least a little.

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jenny
Mar 24, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

seriously – nothing sucks more than when parents act like jerks. the crappiest time in my life was during my parents divorce. eh, i so know what you are going through. sending nothing but goodness your way.

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QueenBee
Mar 24, 2008 @ 9:25 pm

I can relate to this anger so well. I lived it, for many years.

Jamie, you have every right to be angry. And there’s nothing worse than what you’re going through, but to top it off with lies and secrets?

Please be angry. For a while. Let it all out, maybe even tell her why you’re so angry.

“You would think it would bother you that one of your children doesnâ€™t speak to you, but nope. Itâ€™s all about you. What children?”

This was me, for so many years. So many years that I didn’t have any semblance of a relationship with my mother because of my consuming anger at her. But no matter what, no matter what she does, says, or lies about, she’s still your mother. As flawed as she may be, she will always be your mother. So, be angry for a while. But don’t let that get in the way of loving her. Do it partially for her, but partially because when she’s not around anymore, you won’t have any regrets. You won’t have missed out on years and years of a relationship.

This is just silly advice from someone that’s been there. I mean, not really right where you are. But I know how you’re feeling. If you need to talk, I’m an email away!

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Holly
Mar 24, 2008 @ 11:20 pm

I’m sorry about how you mother’s been behaving. I’d be upset too, if I were you. I hope things eventually improve.

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Ohmygoshi
Mar 25, 2008 @ 1:39 am

I’m so sorry for the pain you’re experiencing now. There are no words I can say that will take it all away, but know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you and your family the best!! Watching my parents divorce was one of the worst experiences of my life, and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’m sending you all my happy vibes!!

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Miriam
Mar 25, 2008 @ 6:53 am

Oh honey, I’m so sorry. I don’t even have words of advice b/c I’m not sure I could handle this in an adult manner. I hope it all gets worked out and your mom is able to see what she’s doing.

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chele
Mar 25, 2008 @ 7:16 am

Jamie, I am so sorry for this. This sounds horrible, hope your dad and the rest of you are able to stick together in all this.

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Penelope23
Mar 25, 2008 @ 7:58 am

Jamie, I am so sorry. Parent’s suck sometimes, we all know that. I hope you can find a way to work through this that is GOOD FOR YOU. I’ll be thinkin’ about you.

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Allie
Mar 25, 2008 @ 11:11 am

OMG my mom did this same thing to my dad. She told me 2 weeks after my BIG spit with my X when I was already devastated! She secretly went off on trips and was hiding everything. She said she just wanted to be FREE! I hated her for a whole YEAR. She got hair extensions, a belly ring and a little bmw sports car. She was super weird and NOT my mom at all. Its taken her a little time to calm down but her and my dad are working things out now and the hair is gone.

I’m blaming it on a SUPER mid-life crisis since she had me and my sis at such a young age. I’m so sorry you are going through this…I know how hard it is. I just wanted to SHAKE my mom and say WAKE UP!! WHO ARE YOU!!!

Hope all gets better soon!! I will keep your family in my prayers.

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Deutlich
Mar 25, 2008 @ 6:34 pm

I can empathize more than I’d care to.. except in my case it was my dad. It’s just not pretty, dealing with something like this.

Not at all.

::hugs::

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Vanessa
Mar 25, 2008 @ 6:48 pm

I’m so sorry your mother is doing this. I also have a crappy mother but it doesn’t make it hurt less. Just try to take good care of you, don’t keep the anger bottled up inside and most of all, Happy Birthday!

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chasingparadise
Mar 26, 2008 @ 7:52 am

Jamie, I’m so so sorry that you’re going through such a mess! Your mother sounds like a selfish nightmare! I feel so bad for your dad. It’s not fair to him for her to demand all these changes. In my opinion (and I know it doesn’t matter all that much) if she wants to leave, she should get out and let your dad have the house. It’s your home, and your brother’s home…she has no right to expect that. Money or not…what’s more important? You would think she’d want you and your brother and dad to keep your home. She can go where she wants. Jesus. I’m so angry for you. It’s just not fucking fair.

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Schriftstellar
Mar 26, 2008 @ 11:19 am

Jamie, I’m so sorry. It sounds like such an awful and complicated situation, and I can only imagine how frustrated and angry you must be.

Blessings, good thoughts, and happy birthday to you!

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Jamie
Mar 26, 2008 @ 5:49 pm

So I’m like the 200th comment, but I’m still commenting.,,

I’m so sorry for you! I’m sending you big hugs! Can you feel them!!!???

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Um... Yum!
Mar 26, 2008 @ 6:58 pm

I’m sorry that this is happening at all and especially around your birthday. I hope you still have a wonderful day tomorrow. Happy birthday, Jamie! You are a wonderful person. )

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Princess Pointful
Mar 27, 2008 @ 1:48 am

I’m glad you have this place for catharsis, and I’m sorry you have to experience the someone you rely on so greatly letting you down.

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L
Mar 27, 2008 @ 6:45 am

I’m sorry lady. Hope it gets better.

xo,
L

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L
Oct 30, 2009 @ 7:40 pm

I'm sorry lady. Hope it gets better.

xo,
L

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Jamie Ann

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