jamie ann

D-Day came and went

May 20th, 2008 at 12:59 pm . Posted in family, rants .

Yesterday was suppose to be divorce day for my parents. My father was all ready to sign and be done with my mother but then she turned around and decided she wasn’t taking enough. She needed more money – a bigger cut of the house, more pension than she was already getting and now some of his deferred comp. Just when we thought everything was good, she throws a big curve ball and makes everything worse. Things were starting to settle down and we were all being cordial. Even me. I know, me talking to my mother some is a big step considering I hadn’t spoke to her since January.

Then she goes and does this. It just pisses me off.

So it seems we are back at the drawing board. I really wish this was done and over.Â She doesn’t realize what she is doing to the rest of us. I’m the oldest. I feel like I should be taking care of my brother and sister. My brother is dealing horribly with all this and no one can give him the answers he wants because we don’t know what my mother is planning next. My sister is packing up and moving to Pittsburgh for school in a few weeks and she has to leave with all this still going on. I being the big sister, who feels like she is suppose to take care of everyone, can do nothing to fix this. The stress makes me feel like I’m being eaten alive.

Feeling powerless is one of the worst things ever.

44 Comments ( Reply )

Dutchess of Kickball
May 20, 2008 @ 1:20 pm

I am so sorry.

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The Maiden Metallurgist
May 20, 2008 @ 1:23 pm

I’m sorry that your parents are involving you and your siblings in all this. You should never be privy to their drama.

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Ben
May 20, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

Makes you miss stupid kid problems like who gets the last cookie, huh?

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Allie
May 20, 2008 @ 1:24 pm

Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this. Especially when you thought it was almost over — you steel yourself for the end and then it’s not there yet — that’s so frustrating. I hope things work out soon.

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sizzle
May 20, 2008 @ 1:31 pm

As the oldest in my family, I understand all too well that feeling of responsibility. Try to remember that you are important too- and need taking care of. Hopefully you have good friends and loved ones to lean on.

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Miriam
May 20, 2008 @ 1:36 pm

I am so sorry. I don’t know how you’re even able to write about this. I would be reduced to caveman grunts by this point.

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Angela
May 20, 2008 @ 1:41 pm

I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. I’ll say a prayer for you right now.

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jessica maria
May 20, 2008 @ 1:42 pm

So tough. Wish I could offer comfort or advice, but these situations are the hardest when I have no idea what it’s like to go through. I wish you & your family the best – it seems like you are strong and handling this smoothly, though it may be anything but.

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sandy
May 20, 2008 @ 1:42 pm

I’m so sorry.

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What Liz Said
May 20, 2008 @ 1:46 pm

I’m so sorry you’re going through that. My parents divorced when I was two. I have never even seen them in the same room together. If you ever need to vent, I’m around. Divorce is an ugly thing.

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katelin
May 20, 2008 @ 1:53 pm

aw jamie i’m so sorry. i know the pressure of being the oldest, but there is only so much you can do sometimes…

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LindzML
May 20, 2008 @ 2:02 pm

I’m so sorry. I wish I had the knowledge to know how to fix what’s happening, or the perfect phrase to make it all better, but “I’m sorry” is all I have. I know what it’s like to be the oldest and feel like you have to shelter the younger sibling from what’s really going on in your family, and it’s a hard thing to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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verybadcat
May 20, 2008 @ 2:23 pm

Jamie, hon, I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. You can’t control your Mom, you aren’t responsible for her, and as for your sibs, they love you, so your comfort and your example are enough. Oh, and I hope you *so* put your Mom back on the silent treatment.

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Megan
May 20, 2008 @ 2:28 pm

I’m so sorry. It is terrible to be the oldest and feel like you have to take care of younger siblings, and to feel so powerless at the same time.

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Penelope23
May 20, 2008 @ 2:31 pm

Keep your head up and be there for your sister and brother by listening. This too will pass and things will get better.

Trust me!

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Jenn
May 20, 2008 @ 2:31 pm

I’m sorry I can’t believe she is being so greedy. I wish she’d realize the pain she’s causing your father, you and your brother and sister. No amount of money is going to be able to wash that away. Karma

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Lacey Bean
May 20, 2008 @ 2:47 pm

Hang in there sweetie.

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somechick84
May 20, 2008 @ 3:17 pm

Just remember it’s not all on you to have the answers. When you’re all older you’ll better understand things you can’t understand now. I know you’re not young, but I learn something new about my parent’s marraige and divorce all the time. It will be done soon and all will be okay! I hope you feel better.

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Holy Vataha
May 20, 2008 @ 3:25 pm

*hugs*

I’m frustrated for you….why can’t she just be happy with what she was getting and keep everything running smoothly…blah…

yayyy Pittsburgh!…oh sorry you are probably sad she’s going away for a bit…but I love this city….

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Deutlich
May 20, 2008 @ 3:34 pm

*sigh*

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blogging barbie
May 20, 2008 @ 6:04 pm

i’m so sorry, honey. i’m here if you need to vent/chat/cry/what have you.

::hugs::

xoxo, b

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B2G
May 20, 2008 @ 6:13 pm

Oh babe I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. It’s not right, or fair. I’m sure you help your siblings as much as you can and that they really appreciate that.

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brookem
May 20, 2008 @ 6:41 pm

im so sorry my dear. big e-hugs to you.

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Jessica
May 20, 2008 @ 6:53 pm

I’m sorry this is happening and being dragged out. Sending positive thoughts your way.

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Michelle
May 20, 2008 @ 7:04 pm

Sorry.

And I didn’t realize anyone left other cities to go to a college in Pittsburgh. Don’t get me wrong – love the ‘burgh…but people tend to leave it rather than go to it.

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Shawna
May 20, 2008 @ 8:48 pm

Im sorry about what is going on. I know I had to deal with this type of situation before, but I was much younger. Luckily you have siblings there for you and all of you can support each other. Just keep your head high!

By the way, I like your layout, very cute!

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Britt
May 20, 2008 @ 9:48 pm

I have been through this and worse, so I feel your pain. I’d like to say it gets easier, but you just get better at dealing with it. Looks like you have a kadrillion bloggy friends supporting you too, which helps big time! Keep your head up girl!

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Chelsea Talks Smack
May 20, 2008 @ 11:02 pm

I am so sorry….. Feeling powerless is awful, HUGS. HUGS.

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Clueless Cat
May 21, 2008 @ 1:46 am

Aw, sorry about that hon. Feeling powerless really is the worst. *HUG*!

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Heather
May 21, 2008 @ 2:33 am

Hugs to you bebe, hugs to you.

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Valerie
May 21, 2008 @ 7:21 am

Aw honey, I’m really sorry. I know it’s tough to see your parents and siblings (and yourself!) going through this

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Christie
May 21, 2008 @ 8:38 am

UGH, how frustrating. Just remember that you can’t control everything that happens but you can be in control of your actions and just being there for you siblings will be helpful to them.

Maybe her lawyer is having some kind of influence on her? Bah, I hate to say anything because none of us really know the situation between them.
*hugs*

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Laurel
May 21, 2008 @ 8:49 am

I cannot even imagine how hard this is for you. I am so sorry you’re in such a tough situation. Hugs.

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L
May 21, 2008 @ 11:16 am

I’m sorry lady. I wish I knew answers to help you!

Try to keep your head up, there’s so much in store for you & your siblings.

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CurlySue
May 21, 2008 @ 11:34 am

Jamie:
I swear I could have wrote this 9 years ago when I was only 17 years old and my parents divorced. We had no idea there were issues with the two of them and the next thing I know my dad is moving out and they are separated. Uh, yeah. Shock? My mom and dad didn’t go through what is going on between your parents and the money and stuff, but it was hard for me too since I’m the oldest and felt like I needed to help my siblings and fix things. Trust me, it doesn’t work. Sadly, they are the adults and they are going to have to work it out–even if it kills you to have to stand by and watch. It’s just sad and makes you feel sick.

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girlinterrupted1218
May 21, 2008 @ 1:09 pm

Wow! That sucks that she backed out of the agreement at the last minute. Not on the signing day. Have some mercy. Show some compassion to your family, why don’t she! Sorry dear.

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Angela
May 21, 2008 @ 1:13 pm

Ugh, what a pain. She should just let HERSELF be done with the divorce and sign the papers already. I’m sorry you have to deal with your parents’ drama, and that you don’t have the answers your little brother wants. It must be tough.

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Monica
May 21, 2008 @ 3:57 pm

Oh, Jamie. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Parents can be, well, disappointing and heartbreaking people. You’re amazing and don’t deserve to have to put up with this.

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Rebekah
May 21, 2008 @ 5:08 pm

I cannot even conceive what you must be feeling right now. I’d be curled up in a ball under my covers half the time and screaming at my mother half the time if I were you – none of this “not speaking” bidness. Keep your chin up though, and muddle through even if you can’t bound and leap gracefully )

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Jordyn
May 21, 2008 @ 8:32 pm

I’m so sorry for what’s going on in your family. I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom but I don’t exactly have any. Still, I’m thinking of you.

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Vanessa
May 22, 2008 @ 12:02 am

Feeling powerless is awful. Perhaps focus on the ways you *do* have power over the situation? Like how you can make reasonable decisions, you can recognize the problems with your mother’s behavior and try to be present for those you love even if you can’t provide answers. Just the presence of someone we love is meaningful in times like these. Good luck.

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Holly
May 22, 2008 @ 1:02 am

I’m sorry your family is going through this, I imagine it must be very difficult.

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Jamie
May 23, 2008 @ 8:45 am

Ah, yes, dealing with the feuding parents is likely one of the most frustrating things a kid can do. I’ve been there, and been dealing with their issues for the last 15 years. The one thing you can look forward to, however, are those patches where they are nice, and they are cordial. They might not come very often, but when they do, it’s like heaven. Good luck, and as another kid from divorced parents, I’m sorry.

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poodlegoose
May 26, 2008 @ 11:53 am

I am so sorry to hear about everything that is going on. I know it is a sucky feeling when you know you can’t do something to help the people you love the most. . . I really hope things work out soon for you and your family.

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D-Day came and went

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Jamie Ann

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